The Blog of ahouston

I can't take it today.  Most days I can take not hearing from him, I stay busy at work or am doing other things.  Since it's the weekend and I'm alone, it is unbearable.  My mind is going to the worst places it possibly can.  The what if's are overwhelming me today.  I know that reality is probably not as bad as what's going through my head, maybe he's been gone on a mission or the internet is down, but how am I supposed to know.  The last resot, the mail, has come and gone with nothing from him.  Now more waiting.  The worst thing I am thinking is, if something has happened to him, how would I know. Unless it made national news, there would be no one who would know that I should be contacted, or how to do so.  Someone should know, I want to shout it from the top of a mountain, that I am home waiting for him and communicating everyday, loving him from afar with all my being.  Why does it have to be so hard and so painful? A week ago all I wanted was for a little more encouragement from him, just confirming that I mean a lot to him and he wants to see me again. Today I would take any form of communication, smoke signals, anything, please!!  Did you get mail this week, did you get the packages, did the cookies make it there in one piece, ANYTHING!!  I know at the end of this nightmare I will be grateful for the relationship and love that has been building between us and it will be better than anything I have imagined.  In the meantime, I want a time machine, or a miracle to part the miles and make the pain stop.